Determined to connect with Josh’s longtime ex-girlfriend, Valencia, Rebecca does research on how she is going to get Valencia to bond with her. Expressing her concerns, Heather assures her that Valencia hates her (sweet, sweet Heather) and that all she wants is someone to yammer about Josh with all day long. Rebecca insists that this is a way for her and Valencia to transcend Josh together, and the challenge is on!
Rebecca takes Paula to her first day of school where she attempts to get Paula on the ‘bond with Valencia’ train. Paula, of course, doesn’t care as she has her own life to attend to, sitting in the very class that’s going to change her life. After giving Paula the lunch she packed for her (how unselfish!), then taking back one of the juice boxes she packed (only a minor setback), Rebecca scoots off.
A fellow male classmate who noticed Rebecca, immediately mistakes her as Paula’s daughter – stating that she had that ‘me, me, me’ vibe. Attempting to correct him and defend Rebecca, Paula accidentally goes into a rant and blurts out that she had an abortion and ‘it would have been nice to talk to her best friend about it’ (yikes, that’s a lot)… The classmate, who introduces himself as Sunil, says he understands how hard it can be to tell those you love things, after all his wife killed herself 9 months ago and he has yet to tell his young daughters (as Paula admitted, he wins.). Bright side? Paula made a new friend!
Showing up at Valencia’s doorstep unannounced, Rebecca attempts to get Valencia to bond with her on a primal level. Valencia rejects her, however Rebecca somehow still makes her way inside Valencia’s apartment. She notices muffins and congratulates Valencia on eating carbs. Valencia says thanks for noticing that she’s fat, but concludes that the difference between her and Rebecca was that she made a choice to end the relationship with Josh, aside from the fact that she knew Rebecca was trying to steal him. In short, they are not the same and have nothing to bond over. Though it’s obvious Valencia is very sad, she kicks Rebecca out, stomping on Rebecca’s proverbial olive branch.
Organizing at work, 6 hours before his shift starts, Josh’s boss calls him out on being a serial monogamist and says he doesn’t know how to be alone. Josh proves his boss right by singing a song in which his exaggerated existential thoughts overcome him. Example: “If I can’t hit the gym, how will I ever be a good father?” Oh Josh, I can’t stand you.
While enjoying her [multiple] muffin of the day in the break room, Rebecca runs into white Josh who’s there to see Darryl (of course). Darryl enters and gushes about their plans to go to ‘The Electric Masa’ – AKA a hippy retreat where people meditate in the dirt to tranquil music. Rebecca realizes this is the perfect opportunity for her and Valencia to connect and decides to kidnap her to – as the brochure says – Connect. Refresh. Heal.
In class, Paula is put off by a smart ass millennial who calls her a ‘b***h,’ when she asked about his note-taking app on his computer. Pissed off, Paula and Sinul device a plan to steal the app. Though she gave up sneaking, this is for her and Sinul (not Rebecca), so it’s going down.
Surprisingly, Valencia didn’t mind being kidnapped, as she had nothing better to do than sit around and be sad. Though the retreat is a little more ‘primal’ than Valencia would like, she attempts to take it in as she is a yoga instructor. Trying to extend that olive branch once more, Rebecca brings up Josh and all his possible issues. Valencia trying to ignore her and get her chi back, has little luck, as the sound system emitting tranquil music goes out at the exact same time. Unknown to the girls on their Josh-free retreat, the sound system was rented through the company Josh works for. Josh was on the way.
Attempting to find something to pass the time, the girls have something to drink. They drink two cups of what they didn’t know was actually a drug called Triceratops, and they both have very, very interesting drug trips.
Valencia imagines she’s a pretty ballerina. She begins dancing and a very regal ballerina Josh shows up. Suddenly he’s wearing a Triceratops mask! He scares ballerina Valencia, and they begin to dance, a dance that ends in her having to kill her Tricerajosh.
Rebecca imagines herself as a ballerina as well. Suddenly, ballerina Josh shows up, and she is transformed into a Triceratops! Not a cute simple masked triceratops like Josh in Valencia’s dream, but an awkward large angry Triceratops. Rebecca’s trip ends with her ripping Josh’s heart out and eating it.
The girls wake up from their dreams; Valencia realizes that she is actually very sad about what happened between her and Josh. She admits that she put so much time and effort into him, but he left her emotionally long before she decided to end things, which is why she decided to kill the relationship. Rebecca comes to the realization that she is actually very angry with Josh; angry that he used her for sex and shelter. They look over, and of course Josh has just arrived in perfect time to save the retreats sound system and feel their wrath. Josh walks in to a smelly tent of audio equipment and to two familiar faces he wasn’t expecting to see.
They then begin to lay into Josh and his actions, one standing up for the other (aw, girl power) and they walk away empowered, leaving a puzzled Josh behind. After that, Josh vows to stay away from women. Something tells me things aren’t going to go as he plans, after he meets a cute blonde right before he leaves the event and can’t stop thinking about her.
Back in civilized West Covina, Rebecca sits at a food court bonding with her new friends Valencia and Heather, when Paula walks in with her new friend Sinul from law school. I could literally feel a rift in the air through my TV screen, guys… Acknowledging one another, but then going to their respective tables, “best” friends Paula and Rebecca were sitting on two different sides of the food court; signifying that their lives may be going in two different directions (say it isn’t so!).
I’m hoping that Rebecca didn’t make a friend in Valencia just to lose a real HBIC like Paula in her life. Just like in real life, only time will tell. Unlike in real life, time will be sped up to the next episode. It can’t end like this guys.