The Epically Unexpected
Our day has finally come. Everything we could ever hope for and more — It’s Jane’s wedding. Everything we’ve ever wanted (maybe even predicted) would happen was bundled right here, with a perfect bow, and set on the gift table of television (oh yes, I wen there). This episode was matrimonial perfection. Without further ado, I give you…. Jane’s Wedding Day!
The Count Down
One more day until the wedding and the count down is on! Aside from the fact that she’ll be wed, Jane Villanuea will finally lose her virginity and be Jane the Not so Virgin! (It doesn’t quite have the same ring, right?).
Well as Jane and Michael count down 35 hours 17 minutes until their wedding, Rogelio’s being father(zilla) of the bride and yelling at people over the phone concerning the wedding. In typical Rogelio fashion, he’s dramatic as all get out and even name drops that he’s yelling at someone associated with Bruno Mars.
Basket-Full of Surprises
Meanwhile in the Solano household, Petra is still holding back her feelings for Rafael, as he is obviously still in love with Jane and she refuses to be with him while he has feelings for someone else. Rafael gets a text from Jane to hurry over, and he goes running… Poor Petra! She changes her whole life, stops plotting to steal her husband’s money and sleeping with his best friend, is a better person altogether, and Rafael still doesn’t love her!
Rafael loves Jane so much that he even later asks his forever rehabilitating drunk sister, Louisa, for advice; surprisingly, she says let Jane go.
Arriving to Jane’s room in the Marbella, Rafael witnesses a wedding day miracle! Mateo takes his first steps and as Xo pointed out, just in time to walk down the aisle (ouch, sour spot for Rafael).
Speaking of Xo, if you recall she secretly slept with Rogelio’s mortal enemy, Esteban. A secret that wouldn’t be for long, as Esteban delivered a very well put together basket to Xo with some very interesting items: 20 different items plastered with Esteban’s face, one of which was a pack of ‘Extra Long’ hot dog buns (or Este-buns)… And Rogelio knows a ‘sex basket’ when he sees it! He becomes furious with Xo and they argue, causing them to be late to Jane’s wedding rehearsal. This leads to them pushing and shoving each other when they do arrive, which somehow trickles down to Mateo pulling the altar runner and the priest smacking his forehead right on the edge of the altar. Rehearsal disaster! But an ever-optimistic Jane says: “the worst wedding rehearsals make the best weddings.” Likely not fully believing this is true, that’s all we have to go on. So if Jane believes it, I believe it.
The Finishing Touches
In the midst of everything, Michael is back working with Susanna (his old partner) on the Mutter case again. Susanna just happens to be dating Louisa (the reason Louisa’s moved on), and she asks Michael if they could both come to his wedding. Jane agrees, though she probably doesn’t have time to worry about her son’s rehabilitated aunt who artificially inseminated her, as she was planning her so far wreck of a wedding and feeling quite uninspired by her thesis for her graduate program.
Wanting to lift Jane’s spirit’s, Alba decides it’s time to tell Jane the real story behind what happened at her own wedding; a wedding Jane always thought was perfect and as far as she was concerned was the perfect introduction into the perfect love story. WRONG. As Alba exchanged her vows, Mateo Sr’s (the groom) mother objects, stating that Alba’s not sanctified enough as she is not a virgin. Alba’s family claps back, and the wedding turns into an all-out fiasco. Alba and Mateo hit the bricks and hightail it out of their own wedding and the next day start their new lives in America.
As Alba is fitting Jane into her veil, Alba expresses Jane’s beauty and her pride in the moment and Jane imagines Alba as her young self in her wedding dress. That’s it. That would be her thesis: writing about her grandmother and their plight as immigrant newlyweds in America.
Make up and veil (sans dress) on, Jane calls her professor to change her thesis, and she basically tells her that she needs to get down to the school to pitch her idea in person as the graduate committee is already in the process of thesis approvals. Did I mention that the wedding is now a little over an hour away? Knowing she can’t spend the whole next year writing about something that doesn’t inspire her, Jane books it down to school with Rogelio. She gets her thesis approved and with less than half an hour until her wedding, she’s getting dressed in the school bathroom!
The Final Haul
After a struggle buttoning up and being aided by her professor, Jane arrives curbside with Rogelio waiting in a classic Rolls Royce to take Jane to her wedding. Jane gets in to notice it’s freezing cold inside. Rogelio left the air running, so the heat wouldn’t melt Jane’s makeup off. Very sweet, very great idea, until Rogelio turns the ignition. The car wont start, and it begins to smoke. With the closest Uber car 38 minutes away, Rogelio and Jane (now in dress) run, and get on the city bus!
She makes it 17 minutes late and has a moment with Mr. Sweet Face (Mateo) who Rafael brought to see Jane. Wanting a moment of his own before Jane walked down the aisle, Rafael looks at Jane longingly. Although he wanted to tell her and he even imagined that he did, Rafael doesn’t doesn’t tell Jane that he’s in love with her. He lets her go because he can see that she’s happy (tear).
Jane and Michael begin to exchange vows, Michael gives a nod to Alba and then begins his vows, all in Spanish. And though there were no subtitles, and I understood very little outside of the word family, it was beautiful nonetheless.
Mushy and sweet, this is broken up by Jane’s imagination as she imagines the whole church choir sing (including her mother, father and Alba) “Go have sex Jane! Go forth and get laid.”
The reception is beautiful and name-drops aside, Rogelio actually brought Bruno Mars and Jane and Michael share their first dance.
Side notes: Michael shares a conversation with a crew member from Rogelio’s set. It is mentioned that he is from Tuscaloosa, Alabama just like Susanna. The crew member tells Michael to tell Susanna ‘Roll Tide’. Michael not quite getting it is assured by the crew member that, as a true Tuscaloosan, Susanna will know just what to say back.
Rogelio and Xo share a moment and nothing has changed, including their love for each other. Unfortunately, she still does not want anymore children and Rogelio does. Meanwhile, Xo is now getting naked videos from Esteban.
Sorry Not Sorry
Back at the Marbella, Petra returns from Jane’s wedding in tears over Jane and Michael’s love that she may never have. Holding Ana while she cries, Ana begins to laugh. Aneska points out how she laughs at other people’s pain like her mother. Eventually the nurses come back to the room to take care of the babies and Petra is holding the other baby now trying to make her laugh. She tells the nurses that the other child is in the room with Aneska. A scream is heard from the nurse and Petra rushes in the room to find Aneska passed out on the floor.
They take her to the hospital and the doctor says she suffered some kind of a stroke brought on by her epilepsy. She is now paralyzed in every part of her body, except for her eyes and her condition will likely not get any better. Needless to say, Aneska looks creepy paralyzed in the hospital bed and in the most depressing way, you can feel for Petra. She just met her sister, but now this happens! Petra asks for a moment with her sister…and her voice changes! It’s Aneska who is pretending to be Petra, and Petra who is now laying paralyzed in the hospital bed. Hair dyed and hit with some type of permanent tranquilizer, Aneska tells paralyzed Petra, she will be taking care of Rafael.
And that she did. As soon as they get home, Aneska jumps Rafael’s bones. He hesitates, as Petra previously said she didn’t want to be with him if he wasn’t over Jane, and he wasn’t. Aneska (moonlighting as Petra) says she doesn’t care, and Rafael gives in and has sex with her. Yeah she’s a crazy evil twin to say the least. What if she gets pregnant with Rafael’s child! She’ll be the first woman that Rafael has ever impregnated by actually having sex with them!
Speaking of pregnant… during the wedding reception, Xo notes that she feels sick. Additionally, she notes how she doesn’t want another child but, since we know life isn’t fair, you don’t always get what you want. She takes a pregnancy test and it shows a giant plus (+) sign. Xo is pregnant!
The moment has come, Jane and Michael are packing to go to a Motel 6 (because that’s all they could get on short notice), and they decide they can’t wait any longer to be with one another and are going to stay in the Marbella. Michael leaves the room to get ice, as Jane prepares to slip into her sexy wedding attire.
In the hallway Michael sees Susanna who congratulates him on his wedding. In parting, he says “Roll Tide”. Susanna has no idea what he’s talking about. Michael then flashes back to all the moments he has ever had with Susanna in his head. She has been the mole working against him the WHOLE TIME. I knew not to trust her, but for some reason, just like Michael, I let my guard down! Michael demands to know who Susanna is working for. No cigar, she takes out a gun and shoots him right in the chest! Susanna goes back to her room with Louisa and tells her that they need to go. She then takes off her Susanna face to reveal that she is Sin Rostro! (Rose!) She tells Louisa that she never stopped loving her, and that they are the epic love story. TO BE CONTINUED.
SO INTENSE, right? What about Jane’s epic love story? What about her virginity!? I’m a Rafael fan for sure, but I was rooting for Michael to get kidnapped, not shot in the chest on his honeymoon! And speaking of Rafael, will he finally come to the realization that he’s sleeping with Aneska? Will Petra recover? Will Xiomara keep the baby? Will Ro and Xo reconcile? So. Many. Questions! And all I can conclude right now is: That finale was EPIC!
I thank you all for taking this recap journey with me. I cannot wait for season 3. Maybe some of our questions will get answered. See you this Fall! (Like seriously, my heart may explode in my chest from heartbreak before it arrives.)