We start our tale of psychotic girlfriend of days past with the age old question, ‘Are you in love with me?’ Josh Chan asks as he flips through newly developed photographs that suggest Rebecca’s devoted affections for him. Alas the moment of truth had come and, much to my surprise, was told.
That’s right people, Rebecca admitted to Josh that she did indeed have feelings for him. However, she assured Josh this was a thing of the past. She HAD feelings for him, but NOT anymore. After Rebecca’s magical plane ride to NYC, had she turned over a new leaf? It appears that way.
Rebecca’s goal: Break free of old, self-destructive patterns. This includes (hell, it epitomizes) everything that is Josh Chan.
Knowing that she needed to suck the poison out of her life, she gets rid of all her Josh Chan memorabilia (which, I might add, was an impressively amassed collection complete with: an ‘I heart Josh Chan’ thong, Josh Chan macaroni portrait, and Paula’s personal favorite ‘Chany Bear’, a stuffed animal with Josh’s face pinned to it).
Rebecca even lets Josh keep the pictures that she took, right before she was about to throw those away as well (this woman’s on a mission). She says goodbye to him in a sad longing way, and they close the door (him literally, she figuratively). #byechanybear
Along with repairing self-destructive habits, Rebecca believes she needs to make amends with Valencia for being so horrible to her. I suppose moving across the country and plotting to steal another woman’s boyfriend is in some ways seen as being horrible to that woman. However, it is really hard to care when we all know Valencia’s hard to stomach even without Rebecca’s sabotage. And who knows the woes of Valencia better than Josh’s family?
Rebecca’s Apartment Day: Enter – Josh’s sisters and mother. They come to Rebecca’s apartment to ask her to be a bridesmaid in Josh’s sister’s wedding. Yes, they like her that much. Rebecca, attempting to break all ties with the Chans, says no. However, they (and Paula) insist. Rebecca attempts to throw Valencia’s hat in the ring instead, however, considering their disdain for her, Josh’s sister only agrees to have Valencia in the wedding if Rebecca will be there too. Yay, not since Kristen Wiig and Rose Byrne has there been a more awkward pair of bridesmaids, amiright? For Paula, this is the perfect opportunity for more Valencia sabotage.
ELSEWHERE IN WEST COVINA:
Deliciously surly Greg’s back in school (extension school that is). His first assignment goes horribly, and he gets a C-. His professor points out that his lack of effort is obvious, but Greg doesn’t care because as he points out numerous times, he was accepted into the ‘Harvard of the South’ (Emory). Funny enough, another character interjects that the Harvard of the South is actually Duke. Greg tells her ‘Google it’.
Side Note: As this was a running joke in the episode I had to Google it. MOST sources on Google actually say the ‘Harvard of the South’ is Vanderbilt, however I did find a forum where someone threw in Emory, which made me LOL.
As his teacher suggest, Greg is intentionally making the choice not to try. Because if you don’t try you obviously can’t continue to be an angry angst-ridden man-baby, like Greg is. You also won’t feel like you’re a failure at an honest attempt. Greg demonstrates his emotions in a song that is pretty terrible, in an amazing way. Stating ‘I could try if I wanted to (but I don’t)’ / ‘This song sucks. I could make it good if I wanted toooo.’ Simple, direct and terrible, it had me singing along by the end.
Late to the bride’s dress fitting, Valencia arrives just in time to share a moment with Rebecca. She lets her know that she knows about the kiss and, if it were any other occasion and she hadn’t been the one to get her invited into the wedding, that Rebecca would get ‘curb stomped’. I don’t know what West Covina ‘hood Valencia’s from, but I believe her. Still attempting to make amends, Rebecca tells Valencia that she will make her look good to the Chans, and she does just that.
Laughing at Valencia’s horrendous jokes and making fun of her own weight, Rebecca starts to lift Valencia up in the Chan Clan’s eyes. She is now less heinous. After a fitting, Valencia and Rebecca begin to bond over none other than their boobs. With the bride gone, Rebecca tries on the wedding gown to demonstrates to Valencia how painful having DD’s are, which of course brings on a song about heavy boobs. We learn from the song that boobs are really just ‘sacks of yellow fat’. Valencia, having no fat, obviously has sizably smaller boobs. After sharing boob pains, we of course had to see Valencia in a wedding dress! I will personally say, despite her witch like demeanor, Valencia was stunning. So much so that she had to take a picture (via cell) to keep in hopes of one day marrying Josh. Rebecca assures Valencia that she will marry Josh one day and apologizes for anything she did to derail that dream #bridesmaidbestfriends
The Big Pill
Still not seeing the light, Paula is simultaneously hacking Valencia’s phone via her work computer (which, is some fancy hacking for a paralegal). She stumbles on to Valencia’s photo gallery and sees her in the wedding dress. Losing no time, Paula posts Valencia in the wedding dress on instagram — #hotterthanthebride!
Also losing no time, the bride and fambam storm back up to the bridal store to give Valencia a piece of their mind! Rebecca realizing what had happened, takes the blame and is subsequently booted from the wedding. She confronts Paula, but in Paula’s defense she had been doing things Rebecca told her not to concerning Josh all along and Rebecca was always happy in the end. Both taking a moment to swallow this, Rebecca had created a relationship-ruining monster in Paula, and Paula believed that without their ‘win Josh Chan’ relationship, Rebecca would seize to be her friend. Rebecca assures Paula she loves her and that they would always be friends, with or without Josh. Aww #sistersbeforemisters
A BIG BLUE PILL?!
Needing a drink after her long day, Rebecca goes to Greg’s bar hoping he would be in class. Realizing he wasn’t, she says what the hell and offers to hang with Greg, possibly back at her apartment. Greg says no, because he’s done chasing these h**s and isn’t about to be second place with Rebecca again.
Rebecca returns back to her apartment alone and has a glass of wine. There’s a loud knock on the door she assumes is Greg, but low and behold, who comes storming in but Josh Chan. Josh demands to know why Rebecca would post Valencia in the wedding gown and go through all this drama. Rebecca calmly tells Josh to first, take a chill pill and focus on his girlfriend and family and second, don’t just come over to her house uninvited. #BRRR hearing your crush profess his love to someone else will make a girl mighty cold. She then tells Josh he can see his way out. #byechanybear #forreal
With a new found sense of self and her Josh Chan goggles off, Rebecca rushes back to Greg’s now closed bar. Greg lets her in and she greets him with a heavy kiss. Countering Greg’s skepticism she tells him ‘This isn’t about anyone else but you. You’re not second choice. I promise.’ Greg’s counter? If they do this, it will be three days of them ruining each other and not emotionally! Oh yes, they jump each other’s bones, and Rebecca’s shirt comes off before she is carried into the back room of the bar.
There’s nothing I can say but, #bowchickawowwow. Apparently it’s butterfly smashing time. Find out all the dirty details on the newest episode of Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Monday, April 11th only on Atlanta’s CW!