There’s no other way to say it! It was a Text-Mergency… or actually maybe it was a Textastrophe? Either way you spin it, the ish hit the fan last night and even though she basically brought everything upon herself, I do end up feeling bad for Rebecca by the end of this horrible mess.
The Small Pill
First thing’s first, we know that Paula lives vicariously through Rebecca because she and her husband have lost their connection. For which, they go to Father Brah (young surfer-dude priest) for advice. He advises them to have a dinner and take time to connect with no distractions (yeah, okay). They agree, and we wait to see.
Elsewhere in West Covina, Josh runs into Rebecca and he says his usual, not-that-entertaining, nice guy things, which Rebecca turns into jelly over. He also notes that he feels naked, butt-naked, without his phone that he left at home.
Greg, who is now dating Rebecca’s neighbor Heather, goes over to Rebecca to get a hard drive. From this interaction, it becomes kind of obvious that Greg may still have feelings for Rebecca, despite his GF being 20 feet away.
Rebecca, having the professionalism of a teenage high school girl decides to text Paula, while not looking, during a meeting at work about how hot Josh looked and how she completely only moved to West Covina for him and how she was completely in love with him.
Surprised when Paula doesn’t receive the text she looks down to discover she didn’t text Paula at all, but Josh! She texted Josh the worst possible thing! But, remember, he left his phone at home. Rebecca knows that she must get to it before he does and everyone in the meeting understands and cheers her on (only in West Covina).
She gets to Josh’s, finds his spare key outside in the Buddha statue, gets in, finds Josh’s phone, figures out the passcode is Valencia’s birthdate, and deletes the text! She did it, but of course she stops to smell the roses… or rather Josh’s shirt (time she shouldn’t have wasted) and Josh opens the door as soon as she is exiting.
She then strings a lie together about someone breaking into her house by throwing a rock through her window and she came there to be with Josh and girlfriend, and the door happened to be unlocked. Josh (being the good, SIMPLE person that he is, coupled with Rebecca being a babbling scared idiot) believes her and offers to go back to her house to check it out.
The Big Pill
Needing a window-smash fast, Rebecca calls Paula to go smash her damn window..FAST! Paula, who is trying to connect with her husband, decides to bring him along.
Paula’s husband, not knowing why, helps her look for a rock and finds a big one that can only be described as a ‘textbook’ perfect rock and he, again not knowing why, chucks it through the sliding glass door window! Like the Flintstones in a rock car, they skedaddle.
Josh and Rebecca arrive to a perfectly shattered window and Josh being the sweet idiot he is, consoles her and also calls the cops. Rebecca convinces the cop that this isn’t worth his time and while waiting for their ordered fondue to arrive, they clean up the glass.
Josh finds the textbook perfect rock that was thrown through the window and Rebecca realizes something horrifying. The rock, that is so perfect, is the same rock that belongs on her decorative table. The very rock Josh is holding happens to be labeled ‘EVER’ on one side and ironically completes the set of rocks that state ‘Happily Ever After’. At that point all she could do was hope that he didn’t turn the rock around. But he did… and sang so perfectly by the ‘rock group chorus’, he may not be the brightest, but he wasn’t “dumb as a rock”
Someone obviously wouldn’t break in and throw her rock through her own window into her house. Puzzled, upset and done with Rebecca’s lies, Josh leaves. Rebecca, desperate, almost says she loves him.
This pill was so so hard to swallow, Rebecca has a pity party and sings a song of self loathing, in which she calls herself a “simple, self-hating stupid b***h” YIKES. She has hit rock bottom.
Like a knight in blue jean armor, Greg comes over and notices the broken glass. Rebecca expresses her need for his comfort, and he almost caves until he notices the fondue order that has arrived has Josh’s name on it. Not fooled, he states how her cozy date with Valencia’s BF didn’t go in her favor, and he wasn’t going to be the one to clean up her mess. He could have been anyone coming through that door and she would have wanted their comfort. One thing I will say for Greg, he refuses to be a sidepiece. #byefelicia
So by the end of the episode, Rebecca realizes that she may in fact be a stupid *cough* female dog *cough*, but one thing good thing that came out of this was the restoration of Paula and her husband’s marriage.
Rebecca’s dysfunction brought them closer together, and now the only thing left is to watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Monday 2/22 at 8pm to see if Rebecca can dig herself out of this rather large doggy hole she has created for herself. ‘Til next time folks, stay sane.