Jennifer ClearyJennifer Cleary is a proud UGA alum and a television, film, and pop culture junkie to the point of becoming the go-to person for celebrity gossip. By her own admission she knows an obscene amount of useless trivia. If you've got a question about a show, film or celebrity, chances are she has an opinion. You can follow her on Twitter at @clearyje.
Here are some of this week’s biggest stories in three sentences or less:
Breaking News: Seth MacFarlane is a Misogynist— Women in America, including Jane Fonda and Lena Dunham, are outraged over MacFarlane’s “We Saw Your Boobs” opening monologue. Let’s get Dunham to put together a “We Saw Your Penises” sing-a-long and call it even.
Cute, Odd Pairings Split— Actress Michelle Williams and “HIMYM” star Jason Segel broke up after a year of dating. A day later Rachel McAdams and Michael Sheen ended their longtime romance. This doesn’t bode well for average-looking men everywhere and the gorgeous women who love them.
Perez Hilton Welcomes a Baby Boy— Perez Hilton, the world’s most notorious gossip blogger, welcomed his first son. Hopefully the attention whore is able to put down his smartphone long enough to change his son’s diapers.
Jennifer Lawrence Lets Loose on Vacation— America’s sweetheart and self-proclaimed klutz let loose on a recent trip to Hawaii. Paparazzi snapped her smoking weed and drinking wine on her hotel terrace. I’m not surprised, considering she loves watching TV and eating Cheetos in her sweatpants.
“90210” Cancelled— After five seasons, “90210” will air its series finale in May. I’m not sad to see it go, since there has only ever been one real “90210.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger Gets a Girlfriend— The married, but separated actor was seen having dinner with an unknown woman. Arnold, if you really want to reconcile with your estranged wife, don’t sleep with other woman. Some people never learn.
Prince Michael is “Entertainment Tonight’s” Newest Correspondent— Proof that there’s nothing “ET” won’t do for even the slightest ratings bump.
Titanic 2 to Be Built— An Australian billionaire wants to build a Titanic replica and have people pay to travel across seas on it. Like its predecessor, Titanic 2 will have a caste—I mean class—system. Who needs equality or peace of mind when you can take part in reliving a tragedy?
Anne Hathaway, World’s Biggest Drama Queen—Hathaway continues her reign as the most unlikeable likeable actress. According to reports, the Oscar winner exploded when she saw co-star Amanda Seyfried wearing a dress similar to the one she decided not to wear to the Oscars. It’s not Seyfried’s fault Hathaway chose to wear an ill-fitting mess on the biggest night of her career.
Musician Pete Wentz to Seek Full Custody— Wentz wants a judge to grant him full custody of his 4-year-old son with Ashlee Simpson. Apparently Simpson’s late night partying has gotten out of control, making her unable to properly care for their son. I might drink excessively too if my career peaked in my early twenties.